What Social Media Can Tell You About Yourself

You can learn a lot about yourself by analyzing what social media sends you in your daily feed.

Take animals, for example.

I must be seen by the people who do the sending as a serious sadist, for example-

all the animal pictures I receive are injured animals.

Or animals forced by their masters to spend the day howling along to trombones,

playing the piano,

or racing around the swimming pool at top speed forty-five times, before diving in on top of people, climbing out, and starting over again.

Doesn’t anyone own a dog that sleeps cute?

And then there are those that apparently think I’m a masochist-

Fish jumping out of the river and into your boat- giving you black eyes and concussions.

The revenge of  the nerds?

Put a school of fish in the water and they get revenge for all those years of catfish stew?

And what happens when a shark learns to tag people I don’t even really want to think about.

Then there are all those quizzes.

If you were the ghost of some famous person, which ghost would you be? ..

Duh, uhm Millard Fillmore?

And, of course, the social causes.

Click and write Amen to save a tree in Patagonia.

How about I go out and rake the leaves and water and prune the tree in my own backyard, then offer help to the ancient widow lady next door, and if I get the time, maybe move around, and maybe even outside of, the neighborhood. I’ll tell you when I get to Patagonia.

Oh, and those constant urgent and important political revelations…

Hillary, or the Donald, or whoever is up at the moment…

use environmentally unhealthy face creams.


Have I got the jargon down yet?

And while we are on the subject, can anyone type entire words anymore?

Excuse me please, Alec…I’d like to buy a vowel.

Then there is the sharp repartee…

“You’re a doo-doo head…you’re a bigger doo-doo head.” My three-year old nephew is better, guys.

And the health info…

Avocado masks proven poisonous to your skin over long period…

Only if you leave the spices in them.

So now for the big question.

Why oh why oh why do we spend so much time on the web?

wherever else can you post a picture of yourself in an original  Hawaiian shirt, at the wheel of a fire-red Ferrari, and casually write, my second car.

And several thousand people congratulate you,

while several thousand more people grind their teeth.

Instant gratification.

And you didn’t even take it out of the show room.

So read my blog, already.

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