The Ornriest Bulk Buying Ever

My family once bought a rubber dinghy-

White.

Gigantic.

A six seater.

Called Moby Duck.

Yes, I know-

how original.

What do you expect from a family of English teachers?

(the truth is, after I took it out once, I wanted to call it Lassie,

because it never wanted to come home)

Moby was built in,

and a pure product of,

northern california.

My parents lived at that time in the giant redwoods near Calaveras.

Actually, we all lived there at one time.

in a small cabin we built by hand as a family, as a place for my parents to live

in the summer vacation time,

and us as a family to meet for family-get-togethers.

And since it was hot hot hot up there,

and the drinking water came from a storage reservoir,

where you could also launch boats,

if they weren’t motorized,

we spent a lot of time wrangling Moby,

and plastic blow-up palm-tree island swim rings,

jugs of iced tea,

a radio,

a flare gun,

(in case of emergency,)

into and out of the water-

adding air to mushy parts so we didn’t go under,

deflating to transport,

trying to not get hit in the head by the paddles-

like something out of a Marx brothers movie.

Duck soup?

But all in all, I guess you could say Moby was a friend,

And a foe,

A place to dive from,

To rest in the sun,

read a book in,

patch, repair, wash,

and through it all,

including the always trying to find a friend to help load,

or drive while you steadied it in the truck,

I would have to say Moby was

just plain

the onriest

most difficult,

and bulkiest

bulk buy

we ever made.

Except for the half a centner of cheese

the head of a religious community who lived next door to us wanted us to buy.

Or my uncle’s two dromedary camels,

or the special sale on half a tank car of oil,

to oil and rock our driveway,

when the oil came two days early and the rock a week later.

(Have you ever had to clean dogs, cats, and neighbors children with turpentine?)

But that’s another story.

 

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