Keep Them Doggies Movin’

Anyone else out there feel like their life is a cattle round-up?

Just when you get those doggies moving,

(a doggie, or dogie, is a motherless calf)

circled up,

headed for home,

they all decide they need a drink.

My rule of life:

there is never a moment where you will get any group-

from choirs to socks,

together and doing what they are supposed to be doing

for more than three seconds.

(Keep a camera handy, so you occasionally know what it looks like)

Socks hide in cracks in the dryer,

or cling to the back of another piece of clothing.

Just like choir members,

scout pack members,

kids on a visit to a museum,

mathematicians on a visit to the theater.

And those are just the ones you aren’t really in total charge of.

Then there are:

tax documents on the way to the tax preparer’s office,

people (small, and husbands) on their way to a doctor,

dogs on their way to a vet,

round ’em up, head ’em out, cut ’em in, move ’em out,

and if nothing else works, give them rawhide

(bones to chew on, what did you think I was saying?)

Although the other idea is definitely tempting.

Actually, many years ago I developed a system

for mentally handling problematic people-situations

(since the church system I was raised with of “my, aren’t you special”, or

“we are all God’s children” doesn’t really work when

someone in your choir has stolen two bottles of communion wine,

and is sitting in your choir drinking them and urging the others to  go help themselves.

And you know that since you are in charge you will get the bill from the council.)

(Not to mention the flack)

Which is the point where I mentally picture them dressed in a velcro-backed  straight-jacket,

hanging high up on a wall

(specially coated in velcro just for such occasions.)

First you seriously consider it,

then you laugh,

then, equilibrium restored,

you wade in.

Sort it out.

And get back to work.

Remembering, of course, all the time, to

always keep your guard up,

and keep moving.

Or, like the sign in a place I used to work stated,

If you can’t razzle ’em with your b.s.,

Dazzle ’em with your footwork.

It had a picture of Bullwinkle T (for the) Moose

in a top hat, spats, and a cane.

Somehow, that just seems to fit.

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