I read an article today that absolutely fascinated me:
A smart watch that runs on body heat.
Totally.
I kid you not.
The heat produced by your body,
and escaping through your skin,
assuming you are a normal, warm-blooded being,
is enough to run a very sophisticated smart watch.
AND…
store enough energy in the battery that nothing happens
when you take it off for a shower-
or because it disturbs when typing,
or when playing pull-tug with a dog-
that likes all things bright and shiny…
Unless,
of course,
you forget to take it off when in bed,
having sex,
and it blows up,
and spins off into another dimension,
docking with a passing Tardis,
and hooking all your info into the data banks,
where, as an invisible-making watch,
which, of course, would also have to be invisible,
otherwise it would make the person wearing it visible-
or are you one of those people,
who find a visible wristwatch,
walking down the street
all on its own,
normal…?
But that’s another story.
So there we were,
body-heat-run smart-watch-
ever wonder how they got so smart?
Did they maybe take clock-ology courses at the university of Watchington,
or come from a long line of horologically-bred super-tickers?
Back to the smart-watch:
So you are now walking down the street.
Invisible.
From having on a cloaking-device watch.
Well, not really.
It’s actually from an invisibility cape of fully breathing
light-reflecting
fast-growing fast replacable organic material
recycled from
old marijuana stubs,
rotting bananas-
(and plastic bags,
and the carrier rings off of six-packs-)
wearing a six by six-inch sender,
that shields the area above your head,
and for a foot on all sides,
from scurrying drones and mini-delivery vehicles,
when you suddenly realize,
the fitness watch
on your other arm,
has lit up,
and is making nice little music sounds,
to tell you you have done very well with your walking for aerobics points this morning,
and must now take in some nutrients:
exactly 16.8 grams of plant-based protein-
since you are now vegetarian,
with your own brand-new plant-eo app,
setable after a monumental six-hour tussle,
that calls your attention to,
and allows you to feed only on,
plant-based protein-
which works very well actually.
Now if I could only figure out
how to make it stop telling me when to eat-
or even better,
simply produce the protein
from a secret hidden compartment,
instead of asking me to stop at a certain Seattle-based
plant protein group approved
stars in their hair
(double Americano extra water, with a shot of soy milk, hold everything else-
and a triple death by chocolate-)
hey, a girl can dream, right?
coffee company
who calls out my name as I come through the door-
hi there, D,
your usual order is all ready-
we scanned you when you came in-
we’ll just call you D, shall we-
uh, ok, T-
(toss in a death by triple chocolate, and I’ll let you reduce my name to a single digit
so it goes faster in the line. hmmm.)
Right.
(and there are less chances of law suits)
So there I am,
super smart watch,
fit bracelet with an attitude,
and now lost.
So what do I do?
I pull out my smart glasses, of course.
And trying to avoid the glare,
read the info on the inside of the left eye-
“turn left for another 16.8 grams of plant-based protein
at Little Caesar’s sushi and dong noodle pizza palace,
then through the parking lot,
take the elevator on your left,
and climb onto the small robot horse Robby
that will be waiting there.
Robby will take you to Dr Herschel,
wait while he lazer-cements a gps sender onto a back wisdom tooth,
and then accompany you to gate twelve.
Have a nice visit in Tomorrow Land.”
(This was not meant as a rant against anyone doing serious technological work in ecology,
or creating tools that are actually meant to improve the lot in life of those with some form
of disadvantage. The goal is the way.
PS All of the above-mentioned devices but the invisibility watch DO actually exist.)
copyright Dunnasead.co 2016
Quahog on a Tightrope 