I admit it. I’m an unashamed people-watcher.

And people-wonderer.

As in:

Sitting peacefully in a cafe, English tea with milk in hand,

to the chagrin of every German barista ever trained-

except at McDonald’s-

I overheard two rather loud women at the next table saying:

“I swear, I heard it on tv last night. ”

“Paleo-Flirting?”

“Yup, paleo-flirting.”

“Which is what when it is at home?”

(Actually what they said was the German equivalent, only much much more  colorful,

so I’ll just de-blue what follows by leaving it in highly edited English-

Picture a parrot taken to sea by a more than salty sailor,

and then left in a will to his aged aunt-

for which reason she always keeps it on the balcony,

with a tiny immersion heater,

with  flame-thrower attachment for the neighbor’s Maine Coon cat-

did I mention I’ve been reading a lot of Irish literature lately,

to get my students ready for today?

And happy Saint Pat’s to you all.

Ain’t James Joyce great?

So anyway, there I was,

listening to two short dark Celtic locals

blasting the frosting off my lo-cal lactose free-

fruit-

what did you think I was going to write-

hey, I still have to get into my summer clothes some time this year-

So there they were-

chatting about how they had heard this tv game show talking about NLP-

neuro-linguistic programming,

and how it can be adapted,

by wiggling in a certain way-

put deep into our genes by our  stone-age Fred Flintstone type progenitors,

and how to curl hair just right, etc-

(also known as paleo-flirting)

sorry, but somehow my two coffee-drinking over-heards

didn’t seem to have gotten it just right.

So anyway,

me,

being more the child of pale leo types-

think about it-

I, of course started thinking about other types of paleo,

and how it influences our life.

For example:

paleo-coffee:

first, catch a monkey who has eaten coffee beans.

Then-

collect rocks.

Heat them in volcanic lava,

on the edge, of course,

roll them out.

Then roll them to the spot where you have collected dew.

Put the rocks in the dew-water hole.

Sift the monkey excrement,

pound it with a rock-

preferable not hot,

add to the hot water,

make a small design in the shape of a palm tree on the top with a reed.

Drink the hot coffee through the reed.

While defending yourself from the lava and the monkeys.

Then, of course, there is paleo diet-

very big over here at the moment-

look up paleo on your computer,

look up all the elements of the paleo diet

that didn’t work in all the previous diets it was developed from.

Then spend the next two months telling everyone you have lost weight

and have better cholesterol values,

and that you will now watch that they do exactly the same.

Then go out for pizza.

Three-

paleo-communication:

to stop wasting energy,-

most of our energy used, is used for computers-

send semaphore by day-

a flag system still used in the 1700’s,

ie

before 1700, it only took 2 hours to send a message from London to Birmingham.

A bit difficult at night, but hey, what are glow worms for anyway if not to fly in formation?

Or to coat stones, that can then be used to…

Wasn’t that how NASA got started?

And what about Paleo transport?

The introduction of the Draisiner-

A bicycle with no pedals you sit on and push, rapidly,  with your feet.

(Wear wooden shoes)

Or the paleo-train-

rollerskaters moving in sequence,

and carrying benches mounted on poles?

Paleo cooking?

Sushi-

steak tartar?

In fact, now that I think of it,

if you got together a bunch of monkeys,

let them eat texas barbecue,

then heat some rocks,

collect the ribs…

copyright Dunnasead.co 2017

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