The Case of The Arf-ful Dodgers: Who Do You Call- Lassie or Pywackit?

I was raised all my life with animals.

A grandfather, uncles, cousins,

all in the performing animal film industry-

over a hundred dogs, four horses, a few camels,

and a very famous cat-

no not the one who cha-chas backwards for cat chow.

Think more a severely Cumberbatch of a cat,

with a collar and bells.

And as to the owners-

they trained with love-


If an animal won’t do it for love,

and because it is in his nature,

you can neither beat nor feed him into it.

And if you put in enough time

and love

the animals will eventually build a pack-

a clan, as my family called it,

in which any of the dogs would do anything for the others.

Which I always thought was good advice when dealing with people.

The biggest thing I learned though,

was doggy nature.

And doggy humor.

Which I personally think is infinitely funnier than ours.

For dogs are actually smarter than we think.

They just hide it well.

Or do you think it isn’t planned when they uproot every plant in the house

and plant them in the garden.

And then put their toys in the pots.

Rawhide bone in the rose-bush pot,

Biscuits for begonias,

Fox, stuffed, for fuchsias,

and chew toys for calla lilies.

Oh, and then there are the socks, used and stolen from the washer,

under the settee.

And of course,

in order to survive with dogs-

the mathematical side of whose brain is larger than ours,

relatively speaking-

and who are much bigger thinkers-

like the often demonstrated concept

that if a dog shows that he can add numbers from one to a hundred,

he and his owner can get on the Late Night or Tonight show.

And then there is cogitation-

ever watch a dog choose just which person and which object to nudge

to get maximal attention,

because they are bored ?

But most of all,

of course,

animals act.

Fire dogs drag people from raging fires,

and family dogs,

pull their family members unconscious from flames.

And our Airedale, Mugg, was famous for picking up visiting,

and wandering off,


by their diapers,

and putting them back in the playpen set up for the purpose.

And then there are the psychic tricks.

Animals know when a storm is coming,

or earthquakes,

or a long winter,

with squirrel, moose, bear and deer

coming right up to the door.

And of course,


recently there is a huge jump in the number of explosive recognizing dogs.

In fact,

in most recent times,

quite a large number of dogs have developed  a very special ability,

to recognize dangerous weirdos on the streets.

Note:  If you see a dog stare at someone’s eyes,

and take off,


And finally,  in this age of people constantly on-line

and chasing Pokemons

or whatever,

we need the most special dogs of all,

in fact, the most special dogs ever trained-

like the guide dogs for the blind,

hearing dogs,

or the special dogs for the emotionally afraid.

A breed of dogs,


or in the case of the laboratory prototypes,


that will follow those in danger

and save them

from the consequences of their electronic addiction.

All hail-


the canine computer companion.

No computer should be  sold without one.

copyright 2017

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