And Gutenberg Lived Here: Of Too Many “R”s And These Are The Months Of Our Lives.

Since we are now rounding the curve

of disgusting



(I knew I should have put a blanket over the hood of the car last night)


named for Janus the Two Faced,

and headed

toward that first of the super fascinating months

that were dropped into the Roman calendar

to fill a very unsightly week-less gap,

a gap that normally wouldn’t have been noticed,

due to all the hearty partying going on,

what with Yule and all,

hadn’t someone been just a liiiittttle bit picky,

and wanted things all nice and evened out-

and so,

with much malice aforethought

for all future generations of small English school children,

he dropped in,

by official decree,

a month with only 28 days.

And with its R hanging out, no less.

And, to top it all off,

named for a festival of freveling

and frestivity

and frertility.



That’s it.

So assuming you were a Roman Caesar,

and had just stuck a month,

or two,

into a calendar,

what would you do with it?


You could of course start by sleeping for about four days,

to get over the long winter,

and then you could

ceremoniously, of course,

celebrate the feast of the birds,

February fifth,

first mentioned in the Canterbury Tales as the day the birds

first start spring-uhm- “birding”

If you did, however, you would miss two-

one very serious,

and one slightly absurd,


The serious one, of course,

being on the First of February,

when Major Richard Robert Wright Sr.,

a former slave,

created National Freedom Day.

Signed into law on that day

in 1865,

by  President Lincoln,

as the  13th Amendment- which outlawed slavery

And on June 30, 1948, President Harry Truman signed a bill

proclaiming February 1st as National Freedom Day.

The second, and slightly absurd holiday, then,

is reserved for something only an American,

or a cineast,

could love:  Groundhog’s Day.

Also known as national bubble gum day.

On the third, we have national eat icecream for breakfast and feed the birds days.

The fourth is reserved for create a vacuum day, and national stuffed mushroom day.

(Who invents these things? Congress?)

So, since the list is so long, (you can see it at

I’ll just give you a quick overview:

Wave all your fingers at a neighbor day on the seventh od February,

national boyscouts on the eighth,

and toothache day on the nineth

are particular favorites of mine,

as are:

Clean out your computer, get another name, and plum pudding day.

Which is right after national lost penny day-

could it be in the pudding?

And how about Do a grouch a favor day?

Or hoodie hoo day? (for jazz singers?)

And how about Walking the dog day, Polar Bear day,

or National No Brainer day?

These are all, of course

in addition to the national day off from work type holidays,

like Washington’s Birthday

(now combined with Lincoln- on the twelfth-as Presidents’ day)

And since, by now,

you probably need a holiday

from reading about holidays,

I will offer you one more small fantastic holiday,

with the wish that it makes you smile a bit:

the twenty-eighth of February,

is National Tooth Fairy Day.

Oh, and say hi to Punxsutawny Phil for me

if you see him.

Copyright 2018 All Rights Reserved

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