And Gutenberg Lived Here: So How Do You Write A Blog Without Beans?

A couple of days ago,

I had a discussion with a colleague,

and we decided

we would have to meet to discuss a plan of action.

It is technical,

(having to do with teaching,)

so I won’t bore you.

The interesting part though,

was the fact that

he, a German,

actually studied a while

at the University of Illinois,

where I was born,

and thus,

as a sort of token hail to the orange, hail to the blue,

he asked if maybe we should each bring something small,


and throw it together.

And if thinks I am going to do gourmet catfish

in cornmeal,

apparently his favorite,

he can think again.

(Even Midwesterners eat fish out,

since after frying catfish,

the kitchen wallpaper has a tendency

to stink for months.)

So anyway,

this was the point where I said sure,

and he showed that he truly, truly understood us Illiniwick-

“But please, even though it will be a Wednesday,

please, please, please,

no baked bean pot.”

With that little knowing smile the Gutenberger get

when they want to show off

that they know something about your culture.

More power to them.

I didn’t really know a lot about US history

except for the required courses at the U

until I moved here.

This was then followed by the statement

“and remember, if you write about it in your blog,

which you always do,

no beans.”


Now, grin or not,

that was a low blow.

For a Midwesterner to live without beans

is tough enough,

but to write a blog about a Wednesday meeting

without talking about them?

“Whee, doggies…”

As that great soft-shoe dancer Buddy Ebsen used to say.

Hey, we had to watch.

He was from my home town.

As was that great cowboy hero Clint Walker.

So anyway, enough bragging,

and back to the beans.

Hey, only figurative, ok?

So there I was, trying to decide

if I could get by with shrimps in tomato jello,

or pineapple carrot and flaked chicken

in lemon jello,

(hey, if funny jello counts as a vegetable in the schools,

it works for me)

when the obvious came up.

How do we survive a work meeting without coffee.

Ie coffee beans.

Will he bring cookies or donuts with chocolate,

ie coco beans.

Or chili.

Or a taco salad.

All beans.

Will we sit outside,

in front of one of those giant immersion  heaters,

with a large straw

and a bag of legumes,

to keep away the seagulls.

And pigeons.

And what if he brings Asian noodles,

which are bean thread?

Beanie weenies in a can?

Bean burgers?

Bean cake?

Fruit with icing made with vanilla bean?

Here we are,

with a world worried about the moral obligation

to become a vegetarian,

because of flatulence of those of the bovine ilk,

when we keep absolutely no count

of the amount of beans

hidden in the food we consume daily.

Why, it’s enough to make a human bean,

uhm being…



I think I’ll just end this blog right here.

Have a cup of acorn coffee as penance.

And contemplate thoughts….


Ps Since today is the First of March,

Rabbit Rabbit to you all.

copyright 2018 All Rights Reserved

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s