A couple of days ago, I got a neat little icon picture thingy,
a “W” in a laurel wreath,
with a silver loving cup
and the inscription “Happy Anniversary.”
It was signed by Herman, my personal happy engineer.
Thank you, Herman.
I didn’t even know we were going together.
Are you by any means related to “Hermann ze German,”
who runs a “healthy hotdog shop” in Villiers Street in London,
and is actually a Swiss man, named Marco?
(Yes, I had to ask him. But see, it came in handy for this blog.)
So here I now am.
Starting a third, more or less, year at WordPress,
and thinking what is the most gigantic,
earth-shattering thing I could think of
to start the year off right.
And all of a sudden, there it was.
A story on the BBC world report.
About the real reason for global warming.
And please, please, please,
do not throw old socks.
Or write to me.
Or the head of the Inuit nation.
Since I figure what I write about is about as important to them,
as Brussel sprouts
with the Christmas roast.
(To an American.)
not a whole lot, thank you very much.
So, to get back to the nitty-gritty,
just what is this secret that is so important,
that I have just insulted the Inuit, the Swiss, the Villiers family,
and global warming to get it out?
Just the fact that,
in addition to global warming being caused,
as we all learn in school,
by bovine flatulence,
sorry Hermann. Try soydogs.
(Without the chili beans, of course, or we end up back at square one.)
So no meat.
Or milk products for the allergic, to lower the flatulence level.
get ready for this one.
It will truly take your breath away.
To save the world from global warming,
according to the BBC world report,
we must take a closer look at the Inuit in Alaska,
who dislike the unclear and metallic taste
of their underground water sources,
and make a regular habit of breaking off pieces of icebergs,
which they carry inside,
to make their afternoon five o’clock.
Since the water tastes better.
Now, not that I deny these hard-working guys in the cold cold cold
but when an international emergency strikes,
it is time for everyone to pitch in and do their bit.
And since “Stay calm and drink tea”
is the natural birthright of all peoples,
I suggest the following:
We should build a pure water bottling plant,
perhaps in Scotland.
From there, we could put it on the train “The flying Scotsman” to London,
then fly it polar route to Juneau,
for national distribution to the Inuit nation,
the purity of the water thus stopping the need to tap the icebergs,
the lowering of Loch Ness might also even help the scientific community find Nessie,
and we will end up with a truly global community
rubbing noses with one another,
as they sip Earl Grey,
and eat the local Inuit specialties,
like whale blubber,
and frozen pizza,
and fantastic salmon.
Which, of course, might cause a problem with fishing rights in Scotland,
or the butter mountain of the common market.
Time for Scotland to sexit?